You won't ever lose it. You may misplace it from time to time, but you'll never lose it.

And yes, the het community tends to think less of people who are bi, (men, anyway), and people who switch. Part of the social expectation in the het world is that people are either doms or subs, (not tops or bottoms), and that people are either one or the other. People can change, but they're still thought of as one of the other.

This rigidity of thinking isn't completely pervasive, of course, but it's extremely common. My advice is to ignore it. Do what you want to do. The people who have trouble understanding it or think less of you for it aren't really the people you want to be interacting with or having you admire you anyway, are they?

For me being a switch is a balancing act. My body, and mind will crave to be one way or another. Or the situation may push me in one direction or the other. However, I hit a certain point that if I've been Topping too much, or have been submissive a lot, that I will have to be my other side or I feel unbalanced. I start to literally feel like I'm missing part of myself, which I've come to discover is awesome for me.

I started off being just a sub as well, and then started exploring my Domme side. It hasn't in anyway made me lose my submissiveness. Though sometimes I am cheekier when I've been dominate for a while. ^_^

be who you are....if it's a top that day, great, if it's a bottom, great......enjoy the freedom of being able to explore all the facets that make you, you

as for the people who are concerned about you not being a real top/domme or bottom/sub, because you may switch....welll...they other other issues to deal with...don't worry about them

I wouldn't worry about it too much...I generally find that for me, it depends on the other person. There are some people I instinctively react to as a submissive, and others I don't. The ones I don't, a small percentage of them I react to as a dominant and want to do evil dirty things to them *grin* I think the only time things get confused if is you have the two feelings for the same person. There was a certain someone I wanted to play with once, but I couldn't figure out how I regarded him, till he told me he was a switch himself and we considered switching situationally with each other. If that had happened, I don't think I could have ever really regarded him as a dominant, esp not lifestyle, or a submissive, but temporarily it could have worked out.

Welcome to the dark side *winks*

Keri, I *strongly* advise you not to go down this particular path. Top's are bad people. Really. Just evil folk. I don't think you want to be associated with a group of people like that. I advise you to remain "pure".

I know people say "do whatever you want and don't worry about how others perceive it", but they are lying. They are only trying to make themselves feel better by destroying the wholesome submissiveness you exemplify. Remember the world of BDSM isn't black and white. It's only that way when you reach perfection; Otherwise we are all some shade of grey. Folks like me get darker and darker as we explore our top side, while nice sweet girls like you move lighter and lighter. Only when we reach the "end of the spectrum", pure White in your case, is it time to consider traveling to the other side. You still have far to go. After all, most of the time you're sort of "pinkish".

In the meantime I urge you to continue exploring your submissive side. Go for the pure white of submissive perfection, don't allow yourself to be tainted with specs of dark as you dabble in Topping.

Remember Star Wars? The whole "Dark Side" thing? Well, it's exactly like that, except it's like the Evil Emperor who was totally bad and not Darth Vader who still had a little bit of goodness in him. Topping is *all* bad.

Just don't do it.

Steve

P.S. Obviously one or two failings on your part in trying out topping are forgivable. However if you proceed down this path I'm going to take some solace in the thought that in your message you only mention "Topping", and not "Dominating". So, perhaps there is still the hope that you'll limit your forays into the physical world of sensation, and not go into the mental world of control. Part of your psyche can remain pure.

P.P.S. And, I'm not saying this because if you go into the world of topping you'll only have half as much time to bottom to the likes of me. ;-)

If you ever find yourself talking to someone that doesn't believe what a bottom slut you are after watching you top, I'd be happy to demonstrate for them :)

From a newbie perspective, Keri, you're amazing to watch when you're bottoming and you're amazing to be topped by. I think it's a win-win situation all around... *grins*

Screw what everyone else thinks (I'm just repeating everyone else now) as long as *you're* having fun!

The time I've topped or been dominant for someone, I've found it comes from the same place of service that my submission does. (It can be especially fun to get two subs with switchy tendancies together, too. I've been sharing that joy with a friend lately. :) )

Re: What the community thinks: that's their problem. At the end of the day, what matters (to me, at least) is building heart-felt relationships with someone. If that means I kneel for them and bring my service, hallelujah. :) If it means I take someone who needs careful nurturing and shaping, then the Dom side comes out.

For me, submitting feeds me emotionally. Serving as the Dom can do that also, but I need to make sure I'm cared for in other ways (e.g. I had a massage therapist as a sub, which was soooo good...)

Bottom line: follow your heart and feh on those who would pigenhole you.

Keri,

Here's something that I wrote in my blog this weekend:
"I'm really thankful for being able to explore different kinds of play without being boxed into any particular role or activity. I'd hate to miss out on any fun because someone thought I was 'just' a puppy or bunny (or hippie or faery or pirate)!"

I totally understand your image concerns, as we are taught our whole lives to depend on feedback from others for the formation of our own identities. Playing with, and around, the wonderful people at the citadel has allowed me to begin freeing myself of such concerns and just be me.

There's no reason why being a top would diminish your ability to bottom (or your desirability for such) any more than being bi would diminish your ability to play with people of a particular sex - yeesh, how awful would that be?! LOL!

*hugs*

Hi there- I think you'll be fine! :D

Now, I HAVE witnessed that "a TWOO submissive NEVER tops" attitude in real life, but it's a lot more rare there than it is on the internet. I never really got why people felt so threatened by anything that wasn't utterly black and white.

Now, I have been subbing for 11 or 12 years now, and I have been topping on rare occasion in my private life for 4 or 5 years, professionally off and on for a couple of years. Have I lost my submissiveness? Hell no!

I have become a little bit more picky about who I play with. My standards have gotten a bit higher. I am a little more likely to test the mettle of a prospective dom before giving myself over to him, but once the power dynamic is established, it's as solid as it has ever been.

I do currently belong to someone. I am very much his submissive. He likes it when I'm a bit bratty, so I am, but my secondary dom isn't really about the brattiness and we have no problems either. Yeah, there are people who might be turned off by the idea of someone topping anyone else. That's just how they are wired. Yeah, there are people who will feel too insecure and threatened by someone who also tops, and it's their loss. The Daddy.Dom who is right for you will not have a problem with it, and will encourage your growth as a person instead of trying to repress it, in my opinion.

For those who say that switches are not "for real" or "true" to the lifestyle, uhhh, we aren't clothing brands, it's not like we all have to come out of one factory and be sewn one exact way. Gods, how boring would THAT be?

I feel like it only makes sense, in some ways, but maybe cause I'm going through the same thing.
You're not submissive to ALL people, right? There are people you feel submissive around, and to them, you submit. Same with Topping, I imagine. Some people bring it out in you.
And when you meet a guy/girl that brings out both parts... run for cover. ::grin:: Though the tussling is fun.
It's similar in that way to being bisexual, I imagine. You're attracted to what/who you're attracted to. Who cares what you label it or why?

Well sheesh, and I have problem convincing pepole that I'm a bottom/sub :P